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April 25, 2010

Last night I thought I felt well enough to watch a DVD with my husband. At first it was a pleasure to enjoy this return to Saturday night normality. After about forty minutes or so, I realised I was beginning to feel uncomfortable. The voices and sound-effects of the film seemed to be growing louder. The constant flickering of images seemed to be speeding up. My head began to fizz. I shut my eyes but the sounds and lights were incessant. I began to feel a build-up of pressure in my head that needed some kind of release: bursting into tears; being sick; something. Half way into the film I couldn’t bear it any longer. I staggered dizzily upstairs and fell into bed, but my brain was popping and sparking with over-stimulation and I spent most of the night awake. Is this really what we subject ourselves to on a daily basis? How extraordinary, that we don’t notice how much our brains have to absorb until something goes wrong.

This morning: peace. My husband has taken the children to church. The house is quiet. I doze on in bed. At some point I notice that my eyes have opened: through the fringe of eyelashes, I am seeing the open wooden shutter and the bedroom window. The shutter is paneled into three, the window is divided into twelve small square panes. My short-sightedness gives all the lines soft edges. How restful to the eye, this quiet assembly of geometry. Pale light from a rainy sky. The clock ticks. A cow gives three monotonous bellows from the field. The whisper of the rain. The fringe closes. Sleep.

10 Comments leave one →
  1. April 25, 2010 3:08 pm

    In one sense, wonderful to be able to rest undisturbed, but context is everything. I do hope you are taking care of yourself / being taken care of and that you will soon be well again. Always hard to set time aside for oneself, when there are so many other demands.

    But you are so right about being bombarded with images. As I get older, I find myself feeling increasingly resentful of time spent in front of a screen and last week I stopped taking a daily paper, breaking a 50-year habit. There’s more than enough in a Saturday and and Sunday broadsheet to keep me going for the rest of the week. I thought I would miss that newspaper terribly but I don’t. Not one bit. To have time to read (books), to write, make things, walk with the dogs, see friends, spend time with my family, these are the things that matter most to me now.

  2. April 26, 2010 9:25 am

    These sounds can be so comforting sometimes. They enhance the silence. We live in the middle of a (green) city…but still, an early spring Sunday morning gives us nothing but the sound of birds and the church bells a couple of streets down. Pure joy, and better than any wellness weekend 😉

  3. April 26, 2010 10:36 am

    I loved your description – actually replicates one of my migraines! Hope the familyare taking care of you! Hope you get many peaceful episodes even when things return to “normal”. And hope you have a rapid recovery…..

  4. April 27, 2010 3:51 pm

    hope you are feeling better, and able to get some peace and quiet. Love reading your blog.

  5. dancingbeastie permalink
    April 27, 2010 4:12 pm

    It is so interesting to hear of other people’s experiences. I’m sorry that I haven’t been up to more interaction recently, but I do enjoy reading your comments.

  6. April 27, 2010 6:18 pm

    I’m just catching up with my favourite blogs, DB, and hope you’re feeling much better by now. I agree with you about getting out of one’s comfort zone. The 40’s is a great time to do that. I quit my job, got a divorce, emigrated to Scotland, and discovered my creative self in my 40’s! Wait till your 50, you’ll be magnificent! 😉

    • dancingbeastie permalink
      April 27, 2010 6:52 pm

      Wow, there’s some inspiration to be going on with!


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