Colder than Christmas
Well, this is just ridiculous. A week to midsummer, and it’s colder than Christmas! Last Christmas it was an exceptionally mild 13 degrees here: today it is grey, wet and eight degrees. (That’s about 55 and 46 in Fahrenheit.) The world seems topsy-turvy at the moment; time seems to have lost track of itself.
To be honest, this only reflects how we feel here at the moment anyway. Is it really the middle of June? We have barely noticed where the weeks have gone since the middle of May. It’s hard to make sense of time after the death of someone you love, isn’t it. Memory loops back on itself, bringing the person vividly to mind in random moments of their life even as you struggle to accept that you won’t see them again. A lifetime is linear: memories are not. It’s been a month since my father-in-law died, yet I’m not sure that the finality has sunk in for us yet.
To jump from the profoundly serious to the frivolous, all of this perhaps explains why I have abandoned regular posts here recently, or why they have abandoned me. The writing of a blog has suddenly seemed a rather anaemic pastime, irrelevant to real life. In bereavement, peripheral concerns fade out of focus. It is obvious what really matters: immediate family and their immediate needs. Everything else feels unimportant. This sharpening of focus is probably a survival tactic. One is drained of the emotional or physical energy to manage anything except the essentials.
Returning here from time to time, though, I notice that readers have still been checking in at Dancing Beastie during my absences, which is very encouraging. When I’ve thought about blogging at all in the past few weeks, I’ve been having one of those periodic bouts of uncertainty about the whole thing: why, what, who for… you know the scene, I’m sure. However, my new camera has arrived, so I can take pictures again, and I have hopes that the desire to write is creeping back too. Certainly this corner of the world is as beautiful as ever, rain or no. To anyone who has checked in here over the past month, thank you. Realising that somebody, somewhere, is waiting patiently for Dancing Beastie makes this cold midsummer feel just a little warmer.
For a cheerful and positive post about blogging, you might like Birthday Beastie, which also has some enjoyable comments from readers.